So it begins…rock bottom.

Where does one start after they have realized they hit rock bottom in life? I guess we start again. Going through personal turmoil can sometimes bring about a good thing. My son said it best to me, “dad…I just want you to do something and be happy about it.” Smart kid, smarter words.

There was an idea a couple of years ago called Project No. 4. It was something I wanted to do that combined a couple of different things that really interest me. Photography and my toy/Lego collection. So, I put on my research coat and started to do some research. Was this a realistic idea? Was there any interest in this? Was I being incredibly naive?

The answers to these was all yes, yes and hell yes. Toy photography is a niche out there on the internet, but there is a passionate following and even more passionate desire to create. I had essentially found my people and even found a group of toy photographers that took me in.

I started off good, with a few pictures. Some great feedback from the veterans on the site that had been taking pictures for a long time. And then the unthinkable…I broke. Literally broke myself. No not literally. But you understand. I had a mid life crisis, a break down, a psychotic episode. And the last thing I wanted to do was touch my toys and Legos, let alone take pictures of them.

I stayed connected to my friends on the site I joined and watched, talked very little, and listened. I heard that I was not alone. Even though I may feel and felt like that. Some of them use toy photography to right their minds and get away from regular life. Others do it because it harkens to simpler things when they were kids. No matter the reasons, this relit the fire inside.

So what is project no. 4 really? Who is this four? Well, Four, as the homepage says, Four is me and I am him. I think my spirit is that of a cat and he is the manifestation of what I feel my self image is. Some times a nerd, some times me, some times death, some times fantasy. The number “4” has always been “my number.” Some of the best times surround the number 4, and I felt I would embrace that number. So Four was created. Project No. 4 was my attempt at toy photography but now more so about my life getting back to that endeavor and the journey I will take.

My goal is to blog about my journey…of recovery, of happiness, of life, mental health, and of course toys, games, comics and movies. All of it. I am starting from the bottom and there is no place to go but up. Let’s light this candle.